Rekviem / Requiem

R.B. Johannessen

Til N.N.

Rekviem
__________________________________________________________________________________

De fant deg oppe i stenbruddet.
-Mannskapene.
Jeg hørte noen rope.
-Så ble det stille.

Jeg gikk videre i grålysningen.
Et blåskjær streifet den våte asfalten.
En ambulanse kjørte sakte forbi. Slo av lyset.
Ante ikke hvem det var denne gangen.
-At det var deg.

Du må ha båret på noe, noe ingen ante om.
Hva det vel som plaget deg slik?
Var det noe sårende jeg kan ha sagt?
Var det noe jeg burde ha gjort anderledes?

Stille, uutgrunnelig blir våre veier til...

II
Husker du fuglene oppe under mønet?
Siste sommeren før du begynte på skolen?
Du hadde tatt avsted mot låven igjen,
alt ved demring. -Kunne ikke vente.

Jeg hadde merket en slags tomhet, en kjølighet
borte fra sengen din. Fikk ikke sove...
Gikk ut for å se hvor du var.

Natt og dag tenker jeg på deg...

Jeg kunne se sporene i det våte gresset.
Du hadde løpt ut morgenlyset. Rett mot låven
der redet var. Likte å se på når ungene fikk mat;
flaksing til og fra, piping som begynte brått,
men stanset sakte, de små nebbene over reirkanten...

Men denne gangen kom du fort tilbake.
Så bekymret ut. En unge lå i den ene hånden din.
Du holdt den andre beskyttenede over den.
Så la jeg merke til øynene dine -fortvilelsen.

Den hadde ligget i gresset en stund. Var kald.
Det var litt dugg på siden av nebbet.
Du søkte blikket mitt igjen. Jeg lette etter ord.
Fikk sagt det, tror jeg.

Stille, stille, blir vi til...
...plutselig er det over.

III
Var en tur bortom gravlunden igår.
-Bare for å se at alt var i orden.
Det var litt vann i lampen,
og jord nederst på glasset.
Ventet det. Det regnet jo slik i forgårs.
Gjorde rent, og ordnet blomstene litt.
-Sånn du vet.

Du er hos meg stadig, vet du. -Likevel
er du også langt, langt borte...et sted.

Stille, uutgrunnelig blir våre veier til.
Mykt...varlig vandrer våre drømmer.
Endeløst blir vi til...og synker hen i ro.


Requiem
__________________________________________________________________________________

They found you up in the quarry.
-The rescue party.
I heard someone yell something.
-Then there was silence.

I walked on in the drizzle, hurrying home
in the gray morning light.
A blue glimmer touched the wet road.
The ambulance passed quietly. Turned the lights off.
I didn't know yet who it was.
-That it was you.

Why did it have to happen this way?
–There must have been some unbearable pain
in your heart, one that even I had been unaware of.
What was it that tormented you so much?
Was it something that I said?
Or something that I didn’t do?

Silently our paths come into being...

II
Do you remember that bird's nest up under the ridge?
The last summer before you started school?
You had set off towards the barn again at dawn.
We were all sleeping. -Everyone but I.

I had become aware of an emptiness,
a chill that had descended upon your bed.

Night and day I am thinking about you...

I went out into the morning light looking for you.
I could see your tracks in the wet grass.
Straight towards the barn. You had been in a rush
to begin the new day, to look at the nest,
to listen to the sound of the small chicks,
the fluttering wings of the parents...

But you returned after a short while.
Held a chick in your hands. It lay there quietly.
There was some dew on the beak.

Been lying in the grass for a while.
Had fallen from the ridge.
-Then I noticed the despair in your eyes.

You looked at me again. I tried
to find the words. Think I got round to it.

Silently, silently we come into being...
...suddenly it is over.

III
I went over to the cemetery yesterday.
-Just to see if everything was alright.
There was some water in the lamp,
and dirt on the lower part of the glass.
It rained a lot the day before yesterday.
I cleaned it for you. Straightened
the flowers a bit as well.
–You know. Things like that.

I often feel your presence...in my heart.
Even so, you're gone...to somewhere far away.

Silently, unfathomably our paths come into being.
Softly...tenderly our dreams still are wandering.
Ceaselessly we breathe and come to rest.

__________________________________________________________________________________

Illustration. Translated from Norwegian by R.B. Johannessen

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