Anti-Semite? Moi?
What was that thing you said, Abe Foxman, director of the Anti-Defamation League? You know, that really dramatic thing you said in the speech you made in Palm Beach, where you blamed the internet for the recent rise in ‘anti-Semitism’ around the world, and how you couldn’t remember ever being so ‘seriously concerned about the safety and security’ of your grandson because of it?
Well, what do you know, Abe…miracles do exist. There is actually something upon which you and I can agree. You see, I too have never been so afraid for the future of my progeny, and the source of my worry also stems from the recent rise in anti-Semitism. —No, Abe, I am not Jewish, thank God, for if I were then chances are better than not that I would find myself in the clutches of evil, conspiring men (such as you) who are always drumming up new ways of enriching and empowering themselves by getting their own people into trouble.
You see, the reason that I am alarmed at the recent rise in ‘anti-Semitism’ is because I am a real, living, flesh-and-blood-Semite Abe, unlike you and those for whom you presume to speak. As such, my children are also Semitic and–if I am so blessed–my grandchildren will be as well.
Do not let my non-Semitic-sounding name fool you. There is more ‘Semitism’ in one of my eyelashes than what you and your people could possibly dream of possessing in your wildest, most uninhibited fantasies. My relatives came from the Middle East, unlike yours which came from the ghettos of either Europe or Russia. My relatives are the ancient Filasteens and Phoenicians whereas yours (and those of 95% of the world’s Jewish people) came from the ancient kingdom of Khazaria in southern Russia. My skin is dark and my eyes are dark and almond-shaped, unlike your features which are fair and white in appearance. I grew up hearing dialects of the Aramaic language that was spoken by Jesus and his apostles and I ate the food that has been part of that region for thousands of years.
