Helvete på Utøya / Hell on Utøya Island
Prableen Kaur Leder i Grorud AUF
(With rush translation from Norwegian into English)
Jeg har våknet. Jeg klarer ikke å sove mer. Jeg sitter i stuen. Føler sorg, sinne, lykke, Gud jeg vet ikke hva. Det er for mange følelser. Det er for mange tanker. Jeg er redd. Jeg reagerer på hver minste lyd. Jeg vil nå skrive om hva som skjedde på Utøya. Hva mine øyne så, hva jeg følte, hva jeg gjorde. Ordene kommer rett fra levra, men jeg vil samtidig anonymisere mange navn i respekt for mine venner.
Vi hadde hatt krisemøte i hovedbygget etter eksplosjonene i Oslo. Etter det var det et eget møte for medlemmene fra Akershus og Oslo. Etter møtene befant mange, mange seg rundt og i hovedbygget. Vi trøstet oss med at vi var trygge på en øy. Ingen hadde visst at helvete ville bryte ut hos oss også.
Jeg sto i hovedgangen da panikken brøt ut. Jeg hørte skudd. Jeg så ham skyte. Alle begynte å løpe. Det første tanken var: ”Hvorfor skyter politiet på oss? Hva faen?!” Jeg løp inn i lillesalen. Folk løp. Skrek. Jeg var redd. Jeg klarte å komme meg inn på et av rommene bakerst i bygget. Vi var mange der inne. Vi lå på gulvet alle sammen. Vi hørte flere skudd. Ble mer redde. Jeg gråt. Jeg skjønte ingenting. Jeg så bestevennen min gjennom vinduet og lurte på om jeg skulle gå ut for hente ham inn til meg. Jeg rakk det ikke. Jeg så frykten i øynene hans.
Vi ble liggende på gulvet inne i rommet i noen minutter. Vi ble enige om ikke å slippe flere inn i tilfelle morderen kom. Vi hørte flere skudd og bestemte oss for å hoppe ut av vinduet. Panikken brøt ut blant oss.
Alle inne i rommet hastet seg til vinduet og prøvde å hoppe ut. Jeg var den siste og tenkte: ”Jeg er den siste som hopper ut av vinduet. Nå dør jeg. Jeg er sikker, men det er kanskje greit, da vet jeg at de andre er trygge.” Jeg kasket vesken min ut av vinduet. Prøvde å klarte ned, men mistet taket. Jeg landet hardt på venstre del av kroppen. En gutt hjalp meg opp. Vi løp inn i skogen. Jeg så meg rundt. ”Er han her? Skyter han mot meg? Ser ham meg?”
En jente hadde brukket ankelen. En annen var hardt skadd. Jeg prøvde å hjelpe litt før jeg fortsatte ned mot vannet. Jeg søkte dekning bak en slags murvegg. Vi var mange.
Jeg ba, ba, ba. Jeg håpet på at Gud så meg. Jeg ringte mamma og sa at det ikke var sikkert vi ville møtes igjen, men at jeg skulle gjøre alt for å klare meg. Jeg sa flere ganger at jeg elsket henne. Jeg hørte frykten i stemmen hennes. Hun gråt. Det gjorde vondt. Jeg sendte tekstmelding til pappa, sa at jeg elsket ham. Jeg sendte tekstmelding til et annet menneske jeg er veldig, veldig glad i. Vi holdt litt kontakt. Jeg sendte tekstmelding til bestevennen min. Han svarte ikke.
Vi hørte flere skudd. Krøp oss sammen. Gjorde alt vi kunne for å holde varmen. Det var så mange tanker. Jeg var så redd. Pappa ringte meg. Jeg gråt, sa at jeg elsket ham. Han sa at han var på vei sammen med broren min for å ta meg imot når jeg kommer over til fastlandet eller de kom til øya. Det var så mange følelser. Så mange tanker. Jeg ba alt jeg kunne. Det gikk en del tid. De andre ringte foreldre etter hvert begynte alle å tekste i frykt for at morderen skulle høre oss. Jeg tenkte på søsteren min som er bortreist. Hvordan jeg skulle fortelle henne hvordan det gikk? Hva som skjedde med meg. Jeg oppdaterte på Twitter og Facebook at jeg foreløpig var i live og at jeg var ”trygg”. Jeg skrev at jeg ventet på politiet. Folk hoppet ut i vannet, begynte å svømme. Jeg ble liggende.
Jeg bestemte meg for at hvis han kom, skulle jeg spille død. Jeg skulle ikke løpe eller svømme. Jeg kan ikke beskrive frykten, alle tankene, det jeg følte.
En man kom. ”Jeg er fra politiet.” Jeg ble liggende. Noen skrek tilbake at han måtte bevise det.
Jeg husker ikke helt hva ham sa, men morderen begynte å skyte. Han ladet. Skjøt mer. Han skjøt de rundt meg.
Jeg ble liggende. Jeg tenke: ”Nå er det over. Han er her. Han tar meg. Nå dør jeg.” Folk skrek. Jeg hørte at andre ble skutt. Andre hoppet ut i vannet. Jeg lå der. Mobilen i hånden. Jeg lå oppå beina til en jente. To andre lå oppå mine bein. Jeg ble liggende. Det tikket inn tekstmeldinger. Mobilen ringte flere ganger. Jeg ble liggende. Jeg spilte død. Jeg lå der i minst en time. Det var helt stille. Jeg vred forsiktig på hodet for å se om jeg kunne se noen levende. Jeg så lik. Jeg så blod. Frykt.
Jeg bestemte meg for å reise meg. Jeg hadde ligget oppå et lik. To lik lå på meg. Jeg hadde englevakt.
Jeg visste ikke om han ville komme tilbake igjen. Jeg hadde ikke mot til å se på alle som hadde ringt og tekstet meg. Jeg hastet ned mot vannet. Tok av meg genseren. Den var stor. Jeg tenkte at det ville bli vanskelig å svømme meg den. Jeg vurderte om jeg skulle ta med meg mobilen eller la den ligge igjen. Jeg puttet den i baklommen og hoppet uti.
Jeg så flere andre ute i vannet. De hadde svømt langt. Jeg så at noen hadde samlet seg rundt en flytende luftbåt eller noe sånt. Det var mange som plukket opp de som svømte utover. Jeg svømte, svømte og svømte mot den luftgreia. Jeg skrek. Gråt. Ble kald. Tenkte på når jeg ville drukne. Det ble tyngre og tyngre. Jeg ba. Jeg fortsatte. Ble sliten i armene. Bestemte meg for å snu meg på ryggen og bare bruke beina for å svømme videre. Jeg sank. Jeg begynte å svømme vanlig igjen.
En liten stund trodde jeg de som hadde samlet seg rundt luftbåten begynte å bevege seg bort. Jeg skrek. Tryglet dem om å vente på meg. Jeg må ha sett syner. Jeg svømte hvert fall noen hundre meter før jeg nådde frem. Vi snakket litt sammen. Fortalte hva vi het, hvor vi kom fra. Når båtene kjørte forbi skrek vi om hjelp, men de plukket opp de andre som bare svømte først. En mann i båt kom til oss. Han kastet ut flere redningsvester. Jeg fikk tak i en. Fikk den på meg. Jeg holdt fast i den lille luftbåten lenge helt til den samme mannen kom tilbake for å plukke oss opp.
Alle kom seg oppi. Han begynte å kjøre mot land. Etter en stund begynte den lille båten hans å ta inn litt vann. Jeg gjorde alt jeg kunne for å få mest mulig vann ut. Jeg brukte en bøtte. Jeg ble sliten. En annen jente i båten tok over.
Vi kom oss til land. Vi fikk tepper. Tårene presset seg på. Jeg gråt mer. En dame klemte meg. Det var så godt. Jeg gråt høyt. Jeg hulket. En mann lånte meg telefonen sin. Jeg ringte pappa: ”Jeg lever. Jeg klarte det. Nå er jeg trygg.” Jeg la på. Gråt mer.
Vi måtte gå et lite stykke. Helt ukjente mennesker tok oss inn i bilene sine og kjørte oss til Sundvollen hotell. Jeg løp inn for å se om jeg kunne se bestevennen min. Jeg så ham ikke på noe sted. Jeg så en venninne. Jeg gråt høylytt. Vi klemte hverandre lenge. Det var godt. Jeg gikk rundt, lette etter venner. Hjertet banket. Jeg gråt mer. Jeg registrerte meg hos politiet, så gjennom alle listene. Jeg visste ikke om bestevennen min levde. Jeg så gjennom alle listene. Jeg kunne ikke finne navnet hans noe sted. Jeg var redd. Jeg fikk en dyne. Tok av meg de våte sokkene. Jeg var halvnaken. Fikk en jakke.
Jeg prøvde å summe meg litt. Kontaktet foreldrene mine igjen. Pappa og storebror var på vei for å hente meg. Jeg drakk litt kakao. Satte meg ned. Tenkte. Gråt. Så flere venner. Klemte dem. Gråt. Jeg fikk låne en data. Oppdaterte Facebook og Twitter igjen om at jeg nå var trygg. Jeg var på hotellet i flere timer før familien min kom. Jeg lette etter kjente. Snakket med en prest. Jeg fortalte alt jeg hadde sett. Det var en god samtale. En mann fra Røde Kors så på alle sårene mine. Renset dem. Tiden gikk.
Jeg var med noen av vennene mine. Alle snakket om det samme. Hvordan vi hadde overlevd. Hva som hadde skjedd. Jeg spurte flere om de hadde sett bestevennen min. Ingen hadde sett ham. Jeg ble redd. Tenkte på at det var min feil fordi vi ikke hadde klart å holde sammen. En venninne fikk nøkkelkort til et hotellrom. Vi satte oss der, så på nyheter. Det var sinne, sorg, så mange følelser. Pappa ringte, de hadde kommet. Jeg tok heisen ned. Løp ut til dem. Klemte storebroren min og pappaen min lenge. Jeg gråt høyt. Broren min gråt også. Det var et godt øyeblikk.
Jeg så en gutt som liknet på bestevennen min. Jeg ropte navnet hans. Han snudde seg. Det var ham. Vi klemte hverandre lenge. Begge gråt, vi spurte hverandre om hvordan vi hadde klart oss. Etter en stund registrerte jeg meg ut og vi kjørte hjem. Noen andre satt på med oss. Bestevennen min ble med meg hjem. Broren hans hadde kommet til meg sammen med sin bestevenn. Det var flere som hadde samlet seg hjemme hos meg. De ville ikke dra hjem før de hadde sett at jeg hadde det bra. Vi snakket litt. Jeg drakk et gladd juice. Spiste en yoghurt. Snakket litt mer med mamma og familien min. Jeg ringte bestevenninnen min. Det var en god samtale. Hun sa: ”Jeg var ikke sikker på om jeg noen gang ville få denne telefonen.” Tårene presset seg på. Vi snakket litt. Etter det la jeg meg. Klokken var tre. Mamma nektet å la meg sove alene, så vi sov sammen.
Det har gått noen timer siden alt dette skjedde. Jeg er fortsatt i sjokk. Alt har ikke sunket inn. Jeg har sett lik av mine venner. Flere av vennene mine er savnet. Jeg er glad for at jeg kan svømme. Jeg er glad for at jeg lever. For at Gud passet på meg. Det er så mange følelser, så mange tanker. Jeg tenker på alle de pårørende. På alle jeg har mistet. På det helvete som er og var på øya. Sommerens vakreste eventyr er forvandlet til Norges verste mareritt.
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[Google Translate / Editors of Another World Is Possible. Rush translation.] I woke up. I can not sleep more. I'm sitting in the living room. Feeling grief, anger, happiness, God, I do not know what. There are too many emotions. There are too many thoughts. I'm afraid. I react to the slightest sound. I will write about what happened on Utøya. What my eyes saw, what I felt, what I did. The words come straight from the gut, but I will also anonymize many names out of respect for my friends. We had a crisis meeting in the main building after the explosions in Oslo. After that there was a meeting for members of Akershus and Oslo. After the meetings there were many, many people around and in the main building. We consoled ourselves that we were safe on an island. No one knew that hell would break out with us too. I stood in the main time when panic broke out. I heard shots. I saw him shoot. Everyone started to run. The first thought was: "Why does the police shoot at us? What the hell? "I ran into the little room. People ran. Screamed. I was scared. I managed to get into one of the rooms at the back of the building. We were many in there. We lay on the floor together. We heard several shots. Were more afraid. I cried. I knew nothing. I saw my best friend through the window and wondered if I should go out and bring him to me. I did not. I saw fear in his eyes. We were lying on the floor inside the room for a few minutes. We agreed not to let more people enter in case the killer came. We heard several shots and decided to jump out the window. Panic broke out among us. All in the room rushed to the window and tried to jump out. I was the last and thought: "I am the last to jump out the window. Now I'm dying. I'm sure, but it might be okay, then I know that the others are safe. "I threw my bag out the window. Tried to ease down to the ground, but lost my grip. I landed hard on the left part of my body. A boy helped me up. We ran into the woods. I looked around. "Is he here? Is he shooting at me? Would he see me? " A girl had a broken ankle. Another was severely injured. I tried to help a little bit before I went down to the water. I sought cover behind a sort of brick wall. We were many. I prayed, prayed, prayed. I hope that God saw me. I called Mom and said that it was not sure we would meet again, but that I would do anything to survive. I said several times that I loved her. I heard fear in her voice. She cried. It hurt. I sent a text message to my dad, told him I loved him. I sent a text message to another person I is very, very close to me. We had kept in touch recently. I sent a text message to my best friend. He did not answer. We heard several shots. Snuggled together. Did everything we could to keep warm. There were so many thoughts. I was so scared. My dad called me. I cried, said I loved him. He said he was going with my brother to take me welcome when I come across to the mainland, or they came to the island. There were so many emotions. So many thoughts. I told everything I could. It took some time. The others called their parents and eventually everybody started texting for fear that the killer would hear us. I thought of my sister who was out travelling. How I would tell her how it went? What happened to me. I updated on Twitter and Facebook that I was still alive and that I was "safe." I wrote that I was waiting for the police. People jumped into the water, started swimming. I stayed put. I decided that if he came, I would pretend to be dead. I would not run or swim. I can not describe the fear, all my thoughts, what I felt. A man came. "I'm from the police." I was lying down. Some shouted back that he had to prove it. I do not remember exactly what he said, but the killer started shooting. He charged the gun. Continued shooting. He shot at all those around me. I stayed put. I thought: "Now it's over. He's here. I'm next. Now I'm dying. "People screamed. I heard that others were shot. Others jumped into the water. I was there. The mobile phone in hand. I lay on top of the legs of a girl. Two more were lying on top of my legs. Text messages on my mobile. The phone rang several times. I was still lying down. I played dead. I lay there for at least an hour. Everything was completely quiet. I carefully turned my head to see if I could see someone alive. I saw bodies. Blood. Fear. I decided to get up. I had been lying on top of a dead body. Two more were lying on top of me. I must have had a guardian angel. I did not know if he would come back again. I had not the courage to look at all those who had called and texted me. I hurried down to the water. I took off my sweater. It was big. I thought it would be difficult to swim with. I considered whether I should bring my cell phone or leave it again. I put it in my back pocket and jumped into the water. I saw several others in the water. They had swum far. I saw that someone had gathered around an inflatable boat or something like that. There were many who picked up those who were swimming farther out. I swam, swam, and swam towards that inflatable or whatever it was. I screamed. Wept. Was cold. I thought I would drown. It became harder and harder. I prayed. I continued. My arms were tired. Decided to turn and swim on my back and just use my legs to swim with. I sank. I started to swim normally again. For a moment I thought the ones who had gathered around the inflatable began to move away. I screamed. Begged them to wait for me. I must have seen visions. I swam at least a few hundred meters before I arrived. We talked a little together. Said our names, where we came from. When the boats passed us we shoutied for help, but they picked up the swimmers first. A man in a boat over came to us. He threw out several life jackets. I got hold of one. Put it on. I held on to the small inflatable a long time until the same man came back to pick us up. All got into it. He turned towards the shore. After a while it started leaking. I did everything I could to empty the water out. I used a bucket. I was exhausted. Another girl in the boat took over. We came to the shore. We got blankets. The tears came. I cried more. A woman hugged me. It was so good. I wept aloud. I sobbed. A man lent me his phone. I called my dad, "I'm alive. I made it. Now I am safe. "I hung up. Cry more. We had to walk a bit. Completely unknown people took us into their cars and drove us to Sundvollen hotel. I ran in to see if I could see my best friend. I didn't see him at anywhere. I saw a friend. I cried loudly. We hugged each other for long. It was good. I walked around, looking for friends. My heart pounded. I cried more. I signed up with the police, then looked through all the lists. I did not know whether my best friend had survived or not. I looked through all the lists. I could not find his name anywhere. I was scared. I got a duvet. I took off my wet socks. I was half naked. Got a jacket. I tried to pull myself together a bit. Contacted my parents again. My dad and brother were on their way to pick me up. I drank some cocoa. I sat down. Thoughts. Weeping. So many friends. Hugged them. Weeping. I borrowed a computer. Updated the Facebook and Twitter again that I was safe. I was at the hotel for several hours before my family came. I looked for familiar. I talked to a vicar. I told him all that had happened. It was a good talk. A man from the Red Cross checked all my wounds. Cleansed them. Time passed. I was with some of my friends. All talked about the same thing. How we survived. What had happened. I asked several people if they had seen my best friend. No one had seen him. I was scared. I thought that it was my fault that we had not managed to stay together. A friend got the key to a hotel room. We sat there, watched the news. There was anger, sorrow, so many emotions. My dad called, they had arrived. I took the elevator down. Ran out to meet them. Hugged my brother and my dad a long time. I wept aloud. My brother was crying too. It was a good moment. I saw a boy who looked like my best friend. I shouted his name. He turned around. It was him. We hugged each other for a long time. Both crying, we asked each other how we had managed. After a while, I checked myself out and we drove home. Someone else sat in the car with us. My best friend was with me. His brother had come to me with his best friend. There were several who had gathered at my home. They would not go home until they had seen that I was fine. We talked a little bit. I drank a glass of juice. Ate some yogurt. Talked some more with my mom and my family. I called my best friend. It was a good talk. She said: "I was not sure if I would ever get this phone." Tears pressed on. We talked a little bit. After that I went to bed. It was three o'clock. Mom refused to let me sleep alone, so we slept together. There have been several hours since all this happened. I'm still in shock. Everything has not fallen into place. I have seen the bodies of my friends. Several of my friends are missing. I am happy that I can swim. I am happy to be alive. Happy that God watched over me. There are so many emotions, so many thoughts. I think of all the loved ones. Of all that I've lost. Of the hell that this island was and still is. This summer's most beautiful fairy tale had been transformed into Norway's worst nightmare. |
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Foto: http://gfx.dagbladet.no/labrador/174/174245/17424516/jpg/active/978x_13197743.jpg
Utgitt her: http://prableen.origo.no/-/bulletin/show/672218_helvete-paa-utoeya?ref=mst
URL: http://www.a-w-i-p.com/index.php/2011/07/23/helvete-pa-utoya
